Breakups are not just about what went wrong between two people; they can also reveal patterns, including conflict, harsh words said in anger, and the role friends or colleagues play when they get caught in the middle. In a recent interview, actor Himani Shivpuri reflected on her early years in the industry, alongside Aishwarya Rai, and recalled the atmosphere on film sets at the time, with Salman Khan in the picture.
Speaking about those days, she said, “She was not very established back then. We were very close then,” adding that while shooting in Hyderabad, “We would shoot in Hyderabad. This was the time when she and Salman were going very strong, so Salman used to come every night and leave in the morning.” She also remembered their conversations fondly, noting, “She was very nice and very well read, and we used to talk a lot. And there were some things that I couldn’t share, of course. More than a beauty, I think she is a very nice person.”
When asked about the eventual breakup, she said on the Red FM Podcasts, “It didn’t work out. They will know best what the problem was between them.” She described how she often found herself in the role of confidante for people dealing with relationship stress. Recalling one tense moment, she said, “I remember once we were shooting in Film City. Aishwarya was shooting with Abhishek for Rohan Sippy’s film, and Salman had come. He was telling me, ‘Kya hai? Isko samjhao. Waheeda Rehman ko dekhe. Apne aap ko bohot khoobsurat samajhti hai (You make her understand. She thinks she is pretty. Ask her to look at Waheeda Rehman).’ I used to tell him to calm down, to stay quiet,” she shared. The reflections highlight how arguments can escalate and how third parties are sometimes drawn into emotionally charged situations.
So, when one partner makes comparisons during arguments, how can this affect the other person’s self-esteem?
Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “As a psychologist, I often see how repeated criticism or comparisons in conflict slowly erode a partner’s sense of self. Over time, this activates shame circuits, lowers self-esteem, and can create anxious or avoidant attachment patterns.”
In the long run, she notes, intimacy declines because safety disappears. Healthy relationships require critique of behaviour, not identity, and reassurance alongside feedback. Without that balance, partners internalise inadequacy, and the relationship becomes a space of fear rather than growth.
Role friends or colleagues should play when they find themselves caught between two people in conflict
“As a psychologist, I would suggest reminding friends and colleagues that their role is to be a stabilising presence, not a judge,” explains Khangarot, adding that when two people in conflict pull a third person in, it is usually a bid for validation or relief from emotional distress. Offering empathy helps, but analysing who is right or wrong can deepen the divide and place unfair emotional labour on the listener.
A helpful approach is to set gentle boundaries: listen without absorbing, avoid carrying messages, and encourage direct communication or professional help. “To avoid burnout, maintain emotional distance, limit repetitive conversations, and check in with your own needs. Support should feel compassionate yet contained, so you remain caring without becoming entangled in a conflict that isn’t yours to resolve,” notes Khangarot.
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Healthier communication strategies to help couples handle intense emotions
Many individuals express anger through harsh or dismissive comments because intense emotions trigger the brain’s threat response. Khangarot mentions, “In that state, people defend themselves by attacking first, minimising the other person, or using sarcasm to hide deeper feelings like hurt, shame, jealousy, or fear of abandonment. Learned family patterns also influence this.”
She concludes, “Healthier strategies include pausing the conversation when emotions are high, using ‘I feel’ statements instead of accusations, staying with one issue at a time, and practising reflective listening so each partner feels understood. Regular check-ins, reassurance after conflict, and sometimes couples therapy can help partners express anger without damaging the relationship.”