Kalki Koechlin’s battle with insomnia. Source: Express photo by Nirmal harindran. Heartbreak is often described only as an emotional experience. But its effects can go beyond feelings. When the mind is stressed, sleep is one of first things that is affected. Kalki Koechlin, an actress, recently discussed her experience on a podcast. She described how heartbreak caused months of insomnia, and how she struggled to feel grounded. Her nights became difficult, marked by repeated wakings and an inability of falling back to sleep. “I could not sleep. I would wake up around 2 or 3 am and play the guitar or do something to occupy me, because there was just no way to go back to sleep,” shared she. Over time, the lack rest began to blur boundaries between sleepiness and exhaustion. She described feeling disoriented, even during the day. This was especially true when her work required her full attention. “On days when I had to go to work, I felt like I was in a state of dream or awake. I was confused and wondered, “Is this happening, or am i still asleep?” It went on for about four months,” said she. The brain interprets loss as a reason to remain alert. Stress hormones are released, the system remains on and the natural drift to sleep is interrupted. Sleep is dependent on a feeling of safety. Heartbreak takes away that sense of safety. “What keeps people stuck, is the mind’s unwillingness to let go. “There’s constant replaying and questioning to try to make sense of the situation. In the clinic people often complain that they are tired but can’t’shut their heads’. That’s exactly what’s happening. He explains that the mind is still trying resolve something that feels incomplete. Over time, he has noticed that sleep itself becomes lighter. “Deep restorative sleep reduces. This is not an easy thing to correct for some, especially those who are already sensitive to stress. The night begins to feel more like a place of tension than rest. The second layer is the worry about not being able to sleep. Then, insomnia is not just about heartbreak. It becomes a pattern that the system has learned. Sleep cannot be forced. The more you try and control it, you become more alert. Raj stresses that the focus must be on calming down the system that is preventing sleep. He mentions that cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia remains one the most effective approaches. It resets both habits and anxiety about not sleeping which often keeps the loop going. “How you end the day is equally important. A predictable wind-down is important. It is important to reduce stimulation, avoid emotionally heavy conversations at night and create a routine that signals the system to go to sleep. By setting aside time to write down or process your thoughts in the evening, you can prevent them from spilling over into the night. Consistency is the key. Even after a bad night, waking up at the same hour every day helps to reset the rhythm. The expert concludes that sleep returns when the body feels stable again, and not when it’s pushed.
