Pooja on being single and quitting alcohol (Source: Express Archive Photo)After her divorce from her husband in 2014, Pooja has spoken openly about living a life which is both independent and deeply satisfying. She said that her journey was “glorious” when reflecting on it. I am enjoying being single. I have been in relationships since I was 16 years old. I am free as a crow now. I am the captain my own ship. I am the captain of my own ship. I love the world so much. I have cats, friends, books, and my craft. I am a nomad and I travel often. I want to be free to grab my bag and leave whenever I please. I discovered gymming when I was 50. My gym is now my temple. Her words capture the shift that many people experience in later life, moving from a relationship-defined identity to a self-directed, joyous sense of purpose. She told Times of India that she will always be someone to celebrate love. I have friends who have been married 40 years, and others who have been divorcés four times. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. For the first time, I feel complete. It took me a while to realize that it’s not just about finding the perfect person, but also about being the perfect person. I stopped drinking alcohol eight and half years ago. It was easy to quit alcohol, but once you do, you realize what you were running from when you used that drink as a painkiller. Love is no exception. “How does long-term dependency on a relationship shape one’s self-identity? Gurleen Baruah is an Existential Psychotherapist with That Culture Thing. She told indianexpress.com that there is no fixed way to look at this. Everyone is different, so everyone will respond differently. “People who leave long-term relationships for singledom do so for their own reasons.” She notes that, in this case, Pooja Bhatt shared, it reflects a growth in happiness, and a focus on quality relationships, rather than simply being in one. It really depends on where the person is at in their life, what they want and what feels healthy for them. I’m not sure if being “complete” should be a goal that is set in stone. Baruah says that humans “are wired to experience emotions through life; there is an ebb-and-flow.””We have the hedonic cycle, where happiness and satisfaction return to a baseline. Completeness may not be permanent or even necessary. Baruah says it may be about being able sit with uncertainty while still feeling okay within yourself. “There is awareness.” After awareness and acknowledgment, you can begin to change. This change is about taking control of your life, making decisions with intention, and developing an internal locus-of-control rather than relying externally on ways to cope.
