Neetu shares candid details about her relationship with Rishi Kaoor (Source: Instagram/Neetu Kaoor)Veteran actress Neetu reflected recently on her marriage to late actor Rishi kapoor. She shared candid details about the disagreements that often led them to long periods silence. Neetu Kapoor revealed during a podcast interview with Soha Ali that arguments with Rishi were often transformed into “cold wars” lasting months. My husband was a very strong-minded man. I could never convince him to listen to me when we had a disagreement. I would have a cold war with him for a few months. I would not bend until he asked, “Okay what’s your issue?” She also explained how these long silences were so common in their relationship that even family members made jokes about them. Neetu said that even her mother in law teased the couple, saying they had only been married for half of the time because they didn’t speak to each other. She recalled that Rishi would eventually reconnect. “He would message the kids, spoken to Mom? Is she OK? What’s happening? Then he would ask me, “What’s wrong?” He would then do whatever I said. She said, “He would do anything I asked him to. He would go on a diet and lose 5-10 kgs and start exercising. I’ve noticed that couples who stop communicating after a disagreement do not settle their nervous system. The stress is simply quieted. One partner may feel emotionally unsafe or unnoticed. The other partner may think that silence will protect the relationship. Over time, both parties stop feeling emotionally accessible to each other. “Cold Wars also create interpretation gaps. Emotional intimacy weakens because repair never fully happens,” says the expert. Expert: “Emotional intimacy is weaker because repair never happens fully.” Why do some people emotionally withdraw or shut down during conflict? “I regularly observe in my practice that people close down when they don’t feel emotionally heard,” says Mandhyan. She adds that after repeated experiences with interruption, dismissal or overpowering reactions, our nervous systems begin to protect themselves through withdrawal. In psychology, this can be referred to as a freeze reaction. The person feels that expression will not change anything, so silence begins to feel safer than vulnerability.Healthier conflict-resolution habitsFirst and foremost, Dr Mandhyan stresses, it needs to be acknowledged that conflict becomes healthier when couples stop seeing disagreements as threats to the relationship, or as battles to win.She adds that difficult conversations usually go better when both people are emotionally regulated rather than reacting in the heat of anger. “I encourage couples not to avoid or disappear into silence, but to pause and settle before returning to the conversation. Feeling heard can reduce emotional escalation. Even small repairs are important. “A calm check-in or apology, as well as acknowledging the other’s hurt, can prevent distance for long periods. Conflict is a part of all strong relationships. They are repair-oriented,” says Dr Mandhyan.
