I was talking to a friend a few days ago about our love lives as we painted our nails. She went on about this new guy who is sweet, kind and thoughtful. He let slip that he had used an AI chatbot for a couple of texting answers. “Yaar instant ick, I tell you,” she said. When I asked “but you also speak to AI sometimes?” She replied, “Yeah but that’s a different thing.” I don’t have AI write my texts, na!” The guy was nice, so I told her to stop being so picky, and accept a second date. When I hung up that night, however, it made me wonder: Are we so quick to dismiss people? Is this why dating is so difficult these days? Not a warning sign. It’s not a deal-breaker based on values. It could be as simple as their way of chewing, running, laughing, a strange texting habit or saying “yummy” without irony. For this article, I spoke with Gen Z to find out what they think are dating icks. Here are the dating icks that Gen Z finds unattractive, from the silliest to most serious — from wearing a baseball hat backwards, to mispronouncing a word, to feigning to bring flowers, to rushing to intimacy too early. Savita Tripathy, an UPSC aspirant said that men who make jokes that are misogynistic and denigrate women are the worst. Rickin Sanklecha works at a Bengaluru venture capital firm and finds shallowness and selfishness to be extremely icky.
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For many young people today, the challenge is to balance healthy standards with an openness to imperfections. In the end, meaningful relationships are not built on perfect first impressions but on the ability of understanding, communicating, and growing with another person. It’s become a common language, especially in platforms like TikTok or Instagram, where “icks” are traded like collectibles. For example, “He clapped as the plane landed.” Instant ick” is a mix of humour and social signaling…and sometimes, quiet self-sabotage. Nagar explains that icks don’t just refer to quirks, but also deeper dynamics. Story continues below this advertisement. “Our tolerance drops, and minor imperfections begin to feel like disqualifiers,” said Nagar. According to him, the fear of vulnerability (in some cases disguised as a standard) plays a vital role. “Calling something ‘ick’ is easier than admitting one’s uncertainty, fear of getting too close and unwillingness to invest emotionally. Tanvi Singh, a mental health expert and founder of Leap of Love Foundation agreed, explaining that dating from a position of hypervigilance is a recipe for disaster. Someone could be kind and respectful, as well as consistent. If they come across as a little awkward, not smooth enough or perhaps a little eager, it becomes a turn off. “That’s really not about compatibility.” The sad truth is, people aren’t dating anymore. They’re observing in real-time and evaluating. We have started confusing aesthetic preference with compatibility. “If you let the ‘icks,’ or negative emotions, lead your decision-making process, you won’t find better partners.” Nagar said that you end up with a shorter attention span in relationships, a lower emotional resilience and a constant loop of searching. Herein lies the irony. The more you strive for perfection, you will find that human behaviour is more disgusting. Some icks are also valuable signals. The real question is, is this an ick ‘…, or is it information? Nagar says that if the ick reflects disrespect, emotional immaturity and values, you should take notice. If it’s just a style, habit or harmless quirk, you should grow up because long-term attraction doesn’t depend on flawless behavior. It’s built upon understanding, context, a little tolerance, and the fact that people are deeply, consistently strange. She believes that the first step to getting past an ick is to stop and not react. It’s not a bad thing if someone is disrespectful or dismissive, manipulative or inconsistent. This is a pattern. Story continues below this advertisement.But if someone bites his nails, eats loudly or says something awkward, isn’t good at texting or doesn’t match your exact definition of “cool”, then that’s just human. You can accept these things rather than reject them. Singh added that attraction is not always packaged perfectly. “Sometimes, it grows, and other times it builds once you feel seen, understood, or safe.” The question is not “can I avoid all icks?” but “can I stay long enough to truly understand what matters?” You’ll always find turn-offs if you keep looking. If you stay a bit longer, you may find someone.
