Growing up, Karen Bigman believed the propaganda. Bigman, a certified sex educator aged 62, says, “But I’ve done this in restaurant bathrooms.” She then goes on to list other examples of her scandalous antics. “I’ve met up spontaneously in hotel rooms while the kids were home. We pulled over near a DuaneReade [convenience shop], under the fluorescent light, to do it on the back seat of the car. She insists that sex at this stage in life is not just happening but getting better. It’s even worse for some–even though it’s something you don’t hear about very often and wouldn’t want your parents or grandparents to experience. Bodies change. Menopause, which usually begins in the 40s or 50s of a person, can cause a variety of symptoms such as vaginal dryness and painful sex. Hormonal shifts can lower libido across all sexes. Energy levels fluctuate, and acting out desires that were once automatic may now require greater effort, communication, and patience. Here’s their advice on how to maintain the spark, and the small changes they say make a big difference. Consider lube a necessity, not an option.Vaginal drying is one of the most common changes that come with ageing. This is why many people think getting frisky at this stage will be painful or uncomfortable. There are many products that can help. Lube is one of them. It’s also underrated. “Put it before you start, and have it ready during sex,” advises Bigman. She also shares her advice in her Taboo to Truth podcast: Life & Sex After 50. Lubricants reduce friction, which means there is less chance of irritation or tears, and more room for pleasure. We recommend that you apply it not only to the object being penetrated (like a vibrator or penis), but also when foreplay is taking place. For example, you might also consider sliding between the labial folds. Ask for exactly what you want. In some situations, it may not be a physical or logistical issue. It could be that the sex that you’re having isn’t very exciting. Tammy Nelson, an AASECT-certified AASECT sex therapist who is also speaking from personal experience, says that if sex in your relationship or marriage isn’t exciting, you won’t want to do it. “It’s just like, if a party isn’t exciting, why would you attend?”However, getting older can bring out a bluntness that your younger self may have avoided. “At some point, you don’t care anymore,” said a 64-year old woman speaking anonymously. When you realize that life is too short, you don’t worry so much about your body in certain lighting or how you sound when you climax.
