For the romantics who fall fast and get attached too quickly, the early stages of dating are rarely casual—and can feel as if they’re designed to hurt. It’s instinctive to give your all after a few promising weeks of courtship—to fantasise about what this could be—only to run up against the sobering reality that the other person may still be weighing their options, keeping things casual or simply unsure, perpetuating a cycle of disappointment and heartbreak for lover girls. To break this pattern, some singles—as well as experts—are heeding the call of a buzzy new strategy: detachment dating.. Despite its name, detachment dating is not about caring less or acting disinterested. “Detachment sounds a little too aloof, but what it actually means is very healthy,” says Blaine Anderson, a seasoned matchmaker, dating coach and CEO of Dating By Blaine, who’s amassed more than 600,000 followers on Instagram for her “no-BS” advice. After working with thousands of clients, Anderson says she’s noticed a familiar pattern: People get emotionally invested (then burned) long before there’s anything concrete to invest in. This isn’t a personal failing, as Anderson is quick to point out: It’s a byproduct of our modern dating landscape.. “Dating apps and social media make it really, really easy to overinvest too soon,” she says. A quick scroll through someone’s LinkedIn and Facebook can trick you into believing you know their ambition, their lifestyle, even your hypothetical compatibility—all before having a meaningful conversation. “You create this concept of who they are, but none of this is rooted in reality,” she points out, which attaches you to who they could be (and not who they are). That’s how so many people end up settling for crumbs, accepting empty promises and one-sidedly committing to someone who isn’t worth it.. By nature, detachment dating flips the script: “Detach” yourself from early hope and potential, at least until you’ve seen real consistency and compatibility. Instead, match your energy to what’s being offered right now. “It’s this idea of, Okay, I don’t actually know this person. Let’s see how things go and not accelerate,” Anderson says—a mindset that becomes much easier to embody when you follow a few grounding rules.. How to practice detachment in relationships for those who get attached too quickly:. Don’t rearrange your life. A person you’ve met twice shouldn’t be the reason you’re cancelling your Pilates class or girls’ dinner. Suggest times that actually work for you, and if they’re interested, they should adjust. It’s not your job to bend over backwards for someone who hasn’t earned that kind of priority.. Don’t stress the outcome. Of course, you want it to work out—but accept that it doesn’t have to. Letting go of the expectation that every date has to lead somewhere reduces pressure and lets you enjoy the night for what it is: good conversatio
