According to experts, someone can be easygoing without being passive or flexible while also staying engaged. In other words, just because he’s chill doesn’t mean he’s detached—there’s a line. So here are the biggest red flags that someone is a “plastic bag” man, and signs of a healthier partner to look for instead.. He doesn’t take initiative. Taking initiative doesn’t mean being controlling or rigid, Dr. Romanoff says. It just means showing effort and investment without needing to be asked. He should text first because he wants to talk. He notices when you’re upset and is mindful to bring it up before it becomes a full-blown issue.. Meanwhile, a “plastic bag” defaults to passivity. “Well, what do you want to do?” becomes less of a considerate question and more of a cop-out—one that subtly forces you to carry the mental load of deciding, planning and caring. And that, Dr. Romanoff says, is where “easygoing” crosses into avoidance and a lack of willingness to invest in the relationship.. He doesn’t have his own opinions. Guys who are chill in a healthy way still have preferences they’re willing to stand by, says Keisha Saunders-Waldron, an Ohio-based therapist specialising in relationship dynamics and attachment theory. They’ll (lightly) defend that their sushi takeout spot is objectively better than yours. They’ll stay loyal to their basketball team, even if it’s a rival of yours. More importantly, they’ll have a point of view about bigger things—where they want to raise a family, what they value in a career and how they imagine a future. Not in a rigid, uncompromising way, but in a grounded, I-have-a-backbone way.. “Some men aren’t low-drama because they’re secure. They’re low-drama because they don’t have feelings about anything, which is why the second you seem unhappy with his position, he’ll abandon it,” Saunders-Waldron points out. Suddenly, he also loves the Knicks. He’s fine with moving to a city he once swore he’d never travel to. He goes with whatever keeps things smooth, which isn’t flexibility—it’s a lack of direction and identity.. He agrees easily but doesn’t follow through. In the moment, he’s all in. Maybe he says “sure” to a weekend getaway or is open to a serious talk about moving in together. But then…nothing happens. The trip never gets booked unless you nag them (or reserve the hotel and rental car yourself). The “important conversation” somehow never gets revisited.
