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Paul is my new physical therapist. He’s a British guy on YouTube. The great thing about YouTube medical care is that there’s no paperwork to fill out and your insurance is never questioned. Plus, your health care professional doesn’t know if you leave the workout to answer text messages.
PT Paul has been helping me with my trick knee. It can’t pull a rabbit out of a hat, but it can do other tricks. That knee had surgery twice as a kid and likes to remind me.
Because I am sometimes exuberant, I’ve been watching PT Paul twice a day doing the full regimen of knee-strengthening exercises. Now, not only my left knee hurts, but I sometimes limp, and my right hip hurts.
It’s not Paul’s fault; it’s mine. I should have taken more text message breaks.
All of which is how I found myself sitting in an orthopedic surgeon’s office. This doctor replaced both knees for a friend. When you are young, you compare notes on fashion trends, concert venues and coffee shops. When you are retirement age, you compare notes on surgeons, hospitals and recovery times.
I brought a translator to the ortho appointment with me — our oldest daughter who speaks fluent medical.My translator and I were shown to a room to wait for the doctor. I enjoy waiting for doctors because studying everything on the wall is how you get to know them.
The walls were plastered with photographs.
“Look at this one,” I chirped. “A woman standing by a helicopter wrote, ‘Thanks for putting me back in the air.’”
Next to that was an equestrian rider jumping a horse over a fence. Below that was a picture of a woman whacking the stuffing out of a tennis ball.
She wrote, “Thanks for giving me my life back. My TKR has made all the difference. You’re the best!”TKR is code for total knee replacement. I know that thanks to my translator.
“This is incredible!” I said. “I could be flying helicopters, playing tennis and jumping horses.”
My translator rolled her eyes.
The last picture showed two fellas on a wrestling mat and the inscription said, “Thanks for getting me back on the mat in six weeks!”
After discussion with the doctor, I opted to see how a cortisone shot would work.
I thanked him and said, “You must be really good to have that fella back on a wrestling mat only six weeks after surgery.”
He said the one he did surgery on was the 60-something referee standing next to the mat at the edge of the photo.
“Oh, I see,” I said. “But tell me this, how long after surgery before I could get my pilot’s license or be jumping horses?”
Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Her new book, “What Happens at Grandma’s Stays at Grandma’s” is now available. Email her at lori@loriborgman.com.