It was a mild November morning when I found myself kneeling by an exam table, fresh off a red-eye—with a rictus grin of anxious enthusiasm plastered on the lower half of my face while my eyes filled with anxious tears—clutching the hand of a woman I had met in person only twice.
While I’ve been known to make friends quickly—​airport terminals, veterinary offices—​this was the quickest leap from first coffee to gynecological procedure I’d ever done. And in that moment, as we watched the ball of cells our doctor had already told us could someday form a girl shooting across the dark ultrasound screen like a UFO on a mission, I had the overwhelming urge to tell her I loved her. Babies and dogs, they’ll coax it out of you fast.
Present and forthright, with a mane of impressively obedient curls and the strong, sinewy form of someone who is actually good at yoga, the surrogate had stirred something in me as soon as we were introduced. With my husband out of town, I had brought my mother to meet her and her partner, and we sat in a coffee shop in Cobble Hill holding our matchas like props as we talked— about our lives, her children, the reasons she wanted to undertake this “journey,” as they so love to call it in fertility medicine. After we left, my mother nodded approvingly, then one of us said something I can’t remember and we fought so hard we took separate cabs back into Manhattan. Nothing like staring motherhood in the face, no matter how much you’ve wanted it or for how long, to make you instantly regress into a surly 14-year-​old with the needs of an anxiously attached toddler.
In the months before the embryo transfer date, as I got to know our surrogate and to trust her, the feelings I thought would be there somehow weren’t: namely jealousy, that this woman could do for a child—for my child—what I could not. Carry her safely in her body, use her form to feed and house her, regulate the baby’s ever-evolving nervous system with steadiness, heart, and breath. Instead, I felt a different kind of jealousy—toward said baby, for the chance to be tucked into someone who radiated such safety. I could just tell she knew how to steer an SUV in the snow.
After the transfer, which was as brief as a child’s strep test and infinitely less dramatic, the doctor told us he would do a pregnancy test in 10 days. We could feel free to do at-home testing before then, but many “intended parents” found that more anxiety-inducing, and I didn’t want to admit that I had already been calculating the odds of success day and night using various search engines, trying to understand the probability, how much to start imagining, how thrilled to be. Unlike most of life, where I have marched on expecting it all, we had learned to be trepidatious and measured on the subject of children, to know that this doesn’t happen for everyone, no matter how smooth each step is, no matter how many podcasts one’s doctor has been on.
But five days later, our surrogate, now back home in a state that was already getting snow, texted me a photo: a pregnancy test, the kind you would see in a teen movie, a white plastic stick with a blaring pink plus sign. If I hadn’t already been lying down, I would have hit the floor, felled by a proprietary blend of shock and gratitude.
So now, all there was to do was wait. Track milestones, continue calculating, try not to allow ourselves to become too attached to this person who was really just an idea. My husband was better at the waiting, but he hadn’t spent the last 12 years circling the fertility drain, and he offered as many hopeful assurances as he could without making false promises. During this period he did a lot of funny voices for the dogs.
Powerless and unable to feel the physical changes that signal a growing fetus, I horrified friends and family who adhere to the Jewish superstition prohibiting anticipatory purchases, and I started shopping.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been thinking about this part. For starters, my first job out of college was at a Tribeca children’s clothing store, my pals Isabel and Joana working the register with me in a dusty but highbrow boutique across from the Thom Browne store. If you were wearing Thom Browne and had a baby, chances are you were hitting us up too—for tiny wide-waled corduroy overalls and little conductor’s caps with Victorian button details, spectator boots, and prairie dresses with restraint. Once, we sold a pile of cashmere baby tank tops to Gwyneth Paltrow for an infant Apple.
So I already had a feel for baby fashion—that it had the potential to delight and surprise. Which is why, when I began to scour the open market, I was confused. Yes, we’d encouraged some British-street-urchin style at our little shop of yore, but when had babies—​girls, particularly—​become the victims of the cottagecore industrial complex? Who was announcing that every girl child should look like she was pulling a stool up underneath a cow? And in what world did I want my daughter wearing a garment called a baby bubble that, no matter how adorable the name, was serving the ruffled derrière of a Pussycat Dolls–costume circa 2004?
As I began confiding in mothers I knew about the pregnancy, I also asked them how and from where they dressed their babies. With lucky access to a number of extremely chic women, whose taste would not allow them to embrace either a smocked strawberry octo-flounced skirt or a tee that says “str8 chillin,” I was directed toward certain companies that seemed to treat children’s fashion with the kind of bemused dignity I was hoping for. Some favorites emerged: Molo, La Coqueta, Charco. I couldn’t define exactly what I wanted, but I knew it when I saw it: clothing that was playful but didn’t lead with too much wink-wink cuteness. And most of all, I was looking for garments that allowed her personality to develop and express itself rather than announcing an identity she didn’t yet have.
As the items arrived, I would allow myself to examine them for a wistful moment, occasionally revealing one to my father (“wow, small” was the most I got) then placing them in a cardboard box in the basement where they accumulated. Things are just things, and I knew logically that no amount of buying (of clothing, of ’80s abstract crib sheets, and homemade Holly Hobbie quilts) could prepare me for what was coming. Even my own desire, my own long-standing and no-longer-patient readiness, hadn’t prepared me. But she was preparing herself, inside our surrogate’s strong and healthy body, and as the clothes stacked up in the box, so did some sense that she was becoming real. These would be her clothes. She would be a person that we helped to dress, who made an impression on the world based on our choices, until she was old enough to do it herself.
My mother and I have always done some of our best communicating and most bitter arguing around fashion. Shopping trips with her, whether at tag sales or the New York City designer discount emporiums Daffy’s and Century 21, are some of my most treasured childhood memories. Not only did she care about my taste (and define it, through her sweetly unorthodox ideas about what constituted a good look for a baby with six chins), she also instilled in me a sense that what was precious was not always what was popular, what was valuable was not what was expensive, and what was beautiful was in the eye of the beholder. That children had a right to behold.
By month seven of the pregnancy, the cognitive dissonance of my experience—I was on a book tour, boarding and deplaning, in and out of borrowed outfits, three tracks of extra hair permanently affixed to my crown—was starting to feel insane. “If I was pregnant, would I be doing this? How about this? And this?” I asked myself almost hourly. The answer was that I had no idea. But, like the low rumble of a train a few stations away, I felt her before I heard her, sensed her before I saw her, wished she might pull in just a little faster.
This is when things took a turn, for both the joyful and obsessive: I discovered, through a botched Poshmark search for a Sonia Rykiel bejeweled Domino bag (a strictly selfish purchase), the world of Rykiel Enfant. The clothing was just…perfect. Winsome yet goth, as if it belonged to a very petite mime with an active social life. The pieces had a wonderfully French essence, holding the idea that a child can essentially be a tiny eccentric Left Bank woman: stripes, knits, color, wit. Sophistication and whimsy.
What other great minds had wrapped their heads around babywear, doing it with gusto and intellect and not merely as a licensing deal to promote conspicuous consumption? There was Junior Gaultier: a nautical striped dress, with the slightest hint of black-and-red polka-dot tulle peeking from below the skirt. A billowing tank top covered in what looked to be neon spaghetti. Next, Pierre Cardin—who began his enfant work in 1968, not a terrible year (and the mom jokes begin!). A knit shorts romper with fat candy stripes of lime, watermelon, and berry, that telltale C embroidered on an oversized tummy flap. An early ’80s snowsuit with geometric quilting. My desire, in these moments, was not to bend her to my will—although the mod knit yellow Paco Rabanne minidress with a collar of severe silver studs comes pretty darn close—but to give her options and to offer her something my mother had offered me, and that had lent childhood its most magical moments: the chance to develop her own taste, to curate her world, to express her moods.
Parcels piled high—clothing so tiny it could be slipped into a FedEx envelope—and arrived at my parents’ PO Box in quantities that embarrassed me, as if I were running a pre-internet Spice Girls fan club and receiving membership packets from around the globe. I obsessively explained—and tallied—the cost. “All of this, together, costs less than one new thing at Bonpoint!”
The waiting was harder to accept. As the clock wound down, something that was once theoretical became urgent. I studied the ultrasound images like a ghost hunter, looking for any signs—of who she might be, of what she might already know. In one, I swore she was almost winking at the camera. But in the daytime, I knew it was just a bit of contrast, a trick of the light.
It had occurred to me she might come early, but it had never occurred to me she would come late. Our Airbnb in a state not our own, just down the road from where our surrogate lives, ran out, and we hadn’t bothered to check if it was booked for the next two weeks (it was, by frat boys on vacation). As we passed her due date, the days became liquid and squishy, too long and without any form. My out-of-office alert went up, seeming to mock my certainty. In the hours when I’d usually impose focus and structure, I scurried deeper down my vintage baby rabbit hole, scouring for ’80s Esprit—ditsy florals and mismatched stripes—and accidentally falling for a Dior nightgown covered in sailboats, as if she was planning a long nap on Nantucket (she could have been, for all I knew). Twelve days. “Action needed, buyer replied to offer.” A Kenzo Jungle coat in felted brown wool with an orange mandala embroidered on the hood, for the potential Burning Man dude inside of her. Scans, assurances about a normal heartbeat and some babies just coming in their own time. The sense that I was looking for her everywhere but the one place she might be.
And then, 13 days late, in the face of a solar eclipse and a meteor shower, she announced herself. I sat on a hospital bed, between the legs of a woman I hadn’t known a year ago, waiting for a glimpse of this person who I had been waiting for with something related to patience, but also none at all. I was so focused on our surrogate—in awe at her concentration, her period of quiet followed by what sounded like a roar—I forgot to look down until I heard our baby’s cry. I saw her face, gasping just as she did. Her eyes, wide and unfocused, taking in the light and shadow, blinking rapidly.
“Talk to her,” the midwife said. “Say hello.”
“Hello,” I said. “I’m your mama. You…you look nothing like I thought you would, but exactly right. We’ve been waiting for you, do you know that? It was so nice of you to come.”
And I meant it. Like a kid who wasn’t sure if their schoolmates would arrive for the birthday party, I was bashful and dizzy with joy.
She seemed to fix her gaze on me. Just as someday I hope she will fix her gaze at herself in the mirror, point to her Cacharel dress in muted liberty florals and say, “Mama, I don’t want to wear this today.” Maybe no day. They’re hers to love or hate, covet or reject. It’s all hers now.

If someone calls Mariska Hargitay the hostess who has the mostest outfits, it could be because of the sheer number she wears.
She wore at least thirteen different outfits throughout the night, and this doesn’t even include the one she wore in the pre-taped skit with Taylor Swift.
Hargitay walked first on the red carpet wearing a red gown sequined with a strap that hung off her shoulder. The dress matched the red sparkled dress that her 15-year-old daughter Amaya wore for this occasion. Hargitay was joined on the Emmys carpet by her husband Peter Hermann, their sons Andrew and August Hermann, both aged 14 and 20, as well as daughter Amaya, 15.
Fans pointed out to Hargitay that the red dress she and Amaya wore resembled the red dress Jayne Mansfield wore for the 1956 musical “The Girl Can’t Help It” before her Emmy hosting job.
Hargitay’s latest tribute to her mother’s style was just the start of her cavalcade. She slipped on a strapless, off-white, shimmering dress for her first monologue.
She opened the show by joking about her audience consisting of “SVU’ guest stars. She also celebrated being the first woman host for 15 years and recreated Nicole Kidman’s AMC ad in honor of TV storytelling.
Hargitay changed costumes frequently throughout the evening, wearing a black dress with matching gloves and a white satin suit, as well as a fur lined cape with a sword.
Check out some of Hargitay’s best fashion moments from the night:
Hargitay expressed her satisfaction with the evening as it came to a close.
As the show came to an end, she stated: “It has been a pleasure to host your show.” Thank you so much for the joy and love that was shared tonight.
She said, “And since we have reached the final stage, there is only one more thing to do,” as “Law & Order: SVU’s” iconic “dun dun” was playing.
It’s so cool when that happens!

Hello. Your reading the Up First Newsletter. You can subscribe here and get the newsletter delivered straight to your email. Listen to the Up First Podcast for the latest news to kickstart your morning.
Top stories of the day
Today, Sen. Bernie Sanders, former Trump strategist Steve Bannon, and other politicians from both political parties will join forces to discuss artificial intelligence at Washington’s “Pro-Human Assembly”. The two men want Congress to take immediate action to reduce AI’s negative impact. The President Trump is not in agreement with criticisms of AI, data centers and cloud computing. He calls the opposition a “sick conspiracy” which would be beneficial to China, a competitor for AI.
Emily Feng, NPR’s Emily Feng, tells Up First that there is debate within the AI industry about whether Chinese companies are capable of surpassing the United States. Feng points to the fact that Beijing may not even be interested in developing a super powerful AI. She says that this is because it would likely threaten humankind. Feng says that the current AI debate highlights Trump’s contradictory assumptions about his pro-tech and pro-business strategy. Last year, Trump let Chinese firms buy a semiconductor chip that was crucial to the nation’s AI goal, despite warnings.
The Supreme Court blocked Trump’s attempts to introduce new restrictions on voting by mail before midterm elections. This ruling by the high court ensures that U.S. Postal Service continues to deliver ballots in the usual manner. In states such as Alabama, North Carolina, and Wisconsin, voting by mail is already underway. More states will follow shortly. In some states, voters who qualify to vote via mail are already receiving their ballots. Check your state deadlines for requesting one. Election officials recommend that voters send back completed ballots as quickly as possible.
According to the Kennedy Center board, it is possible that they could close today. NPR has obtained the document outlining this strategy ahead of today’s board meeting. The meeting is scheduled for today, the same date as the status hearing of Judge Christopher Cooper who oversees the lawsuit filed by Rep. Joyce Beatty to stop the center from renaming itself to honor Trump.
Anastasia Tsioulcas of NPR reports that the Kennedy Center believes Trump can be the only person who raises enough money to solve its financial problems. The board therefore thinks Trump deserves his name to appear on the building. The Kennedy Center, like many large nonprofits, relies on ticket sales and donations as well as some government grants to generate revenue. Artists and audience have both left the Kennedy Center over the last year because they feel it’s become too political under Trump. The Kennedy Center’s calendar of live events is only a small fraction of its former size, and the donations are also down. Tsioulcas believes that the Kennedy Center is in a dire financial situation. The question is now how to deal with it, and if adding the name of the President will solve the problem.
Linda Holmes is the Pop Culture Happy Hour host
Yesterday was the Emmys. The Emmys were yesterday.
Widow’s Bay won the award for best comedy series, but dramas received more recognition. The Pitt, Pluribus The Diplomat Task and Slow Horses were all awarded.
Matthew Rhys is a double-player. Matthew Rhys won the lead actor award in both the categories of limited series (The Beast in Me), and comedy series (Widow’s Bay). He is the first actor ever to win two lead performances awards at the same time.
Rhea Smart receives her final Hacks Emmy, and Rhea seehorn finally wins an Emmy. Seehorn portrays a widowed author who is dealing with the demise of mankind as we know it in Pluribus. Smart, meanwhile, won the award for lead comedy actress a fifth time – meaning that she has won the title every year since she became eligible to compete in the Hacks.
Mariska Hargitay, the host of this year’s awards ceremony had a great time. The opening number of Law & Order: SVU was cringeworthy and corny, but the star of the show showed off her skills with standard award banter and skits throughout the night. Although she isn’t a professional comedian, her willingness to participate was remarkable.
See the winners and photos of the red carpet.
Subscribe to Pop Culture Happy Hour and stay up-to-date on the latest pop culture news. You’ll receive NPR’s weekly guide to music, movies, and TV.
Listen to today’s music
Over the weekend, Jews around the globe celebrated Rosh Hashanah – the Jewish New Year. Two days of prayer, celebration and reflection began Friday at sunset. The powerful blasts of the shofar – an animal’s trumpet played at different points in the Rosh HaShanah service – are a memorable moment for most. The shofar, which can come in different sizes and be blown either by one individual or someone else who has brought their own, is a powerful moment for many. Daniel Picus is an associate professor of Western Washington University, who studies religious rituals and practices. He says that the horn marks moments when emotions and experiences are heightened. Read more about the history of Rosh Hashanah and the profound sound of shofar.
Deep dive
The Justice Department of the Trump Administration is conducting an investigation into Evanston, Ill. It accuses it of discrimination based on race. Evanston, Illinois is the first U.S. municipality to introduce a reparations plan to compensate Black residents of historical discrimination. More than 300 people have received $25,000 in grants as compensation for previous housing segregation. Justice Department joins a suit filed by conservatives who claim that the program of the city is racist, because it is only open to Blacks. What we know:
A council member researching the declining Black population in the city discovered that the affordability problems faced by Black households were linked to the 1921 zoning laws which restricted them to one neighborhood. The law permitted local banks to refuse mortgages and impede wealth building for many generations.
City Council acknowledged the damage, apologized for it and allocated $20 million of the tax collected on the sale and transfer of real estate and cannabis to cover the cost.
The applicants had to be Black, and show that either they or their ancestor lived in Evanston between 1919-1969 during the peak of segregation.
The Justice Department says that Evanston violates the Constitutional equal protection clause which forbids discrimination by government based on race.
Before you travel, here are 3 important things to consider
Bob Mackie, a prolific costume and fashion designer, died Monday in Palm Springs (California) of pneumonia. He was 87.
Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., returned yesterday to the Senate after an absence of several months due to a medical condition stemming from his fall.
The Trump administration has repealed limits on the greenhouse gas emissions of fossil-fuelled power plants. This move removes rules of the Biden Administration that were implemented by the Environmental Protection Agency and required coal plants, as well as new natural gas power plants, to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

The impact of a halt to AI on the U.S. Economy The Supreme Court has blocked Trump’s plans to limit mail-in votes weeks before midterm elections. Apple TV’s Widow’s Bay won big at this year’s Emmys.
What you need to know about today
The impact of AI on the U.S. Economy if AI is slowed down
The calls to slow down AI development raises questions as to whether such a move could halt the economic momentum in the U.S.
Here is the Morning Rundown, your weekday morning newsletter. Subscribe here and receive it directly in your mailbox.
Last week, the topic of AI security was brought to light by multiple resignations of engineers from leading companies. Dario Amodei, CEO of Anthropic, sparked a call among AI executives for them to “pace forward” — but what that actually means is not entirely clear.
The President Donald Trump rejected any idea to put guardrails around the technology. He said yesterday, on Truth Social, that safety concerns were a hoax and “only China is happy” about the situation.
One economist stated that AI investments in general were responsible for almost half the growth of last year. Goldman Sachs analysts attribute about half of the recent growth in earnings for S&P 500 index to AI. Fitch, a credit rating agency, said that in its analysis the economy could enter a recession should AI-related stock price drops cause soaring prices over 3-6 months.
Trump’s strong opposition to the AI discussion may be partly due to his economy’s dependence on AI.
Click here to read the complete story.
Supreme Court rules that Trump cannot enforce the mail-in vote rule
Supreme Court prevents U.S. The Supreme Court prevented a U.S. Postal Service regulation regarding mail-in votes from coming into effect. They rejected an emergency application by the Trump administration to stop a ruling of a lower courts that the regulation is likely illegal. Clarence Thomas, a conservative Justice, and Samuel Alito, a liberal Justice, dissented. The ruling was 7-2, giving Trump fewer chances to exert federal control on midterm elections.
The new rule would require states to provide the Postal Service with lists of voters who are eligible to vote. It would verify the ballots sent were to those on the list, before delivering them. Postal Service does not usually play a role in election regulation.
The Supreme Court’s involvement in the case
More politics news:
Donald Trump Jr., and his wife Bettina admitted that a Russian businessman with connections to Vladimir Putin paid for their extravagant Caribbean island wedding. Umar Kremlev, according to reports, paid for fireworks and the rental of a private island. According to NBC News, the president said that “it was not a big issue.”
Mitch McConnell returned after more than three months to cast his first Senate vote.
A new report from the Department of Homeland Security shows that some immigrants were detained in Florida’s closed “Alligator Alcatraz”, where they were kept inside outdoor cages no bigger than a telephone booth.
According to the first Defense Department report about the conflict, there are “bottlenecks”, or shortages of U.S. ammunition in U.S. supply chains.
Subscribers: Over half a million dollars will be spent in the House elections over the next couple of months. The majority of spending reveals the Republican and Democratic party’s thinking.
Steve Kornacki, NBC News chief data analyst, explains the differences between the Texas Senate race in Texas between Ken Paxton, James Talarico, and the 2018 matchup between Ted Cruz, Beto O’Rouke, and other races. This is part of The Data Dive, a newsletter for subscribers that focuses on trends, numbers and data shaping major stories leading up to the midterm elections.
Emmy Awards Highlights
The horror comedy “Widow’s Bay”, from Apple TV, won six awards at the Emmy Awards 2026. It was recognized for its outstanding series of comedies, and also for writing, acting, and directing. Matthew Rhys also won an Emmy for his performance in Netflix’s miniseries “The Beast in Me”, making him the only man in Emmys’ history to win two leading acting awards in one night.
Stephen Colbert, host of “The Late Show”, received standing ovations when he accepted the award for best variety show. “The Pitt” was named outstanding drama series. Rob Reiner received an emotional tribute as did Dolly Parton.
View more of the best moments. See photos of winners Sally Field, Jason Bateman and others picking up their awards.
Staff pick: The city of New York’s desire for safer swimming areas
Rain has finally returned to London this week, and the residents are relieved. According to UK Met Office data, this summer has been one of the most hot and dry seasons ever recorded. Finding a cool place was not easy.
Outdoor pools in the city and other wild locations for swimming offer an instant escape. Securing a spot in one of these pools has become an impossible task. Tickets for online events sell out quickly, and many people have to be turned away because of long queues.
Recently, there have been requests for London to create more “blue space” and I was curious to know why this is so important in heatproofing major cities. Open-water swimming enthusiasts in London shared their thoughts on how to make the city more swimmable. — Isabella Colletta, London-based desk editor
Learn More About It
In a major move, the EPA announced that it would rollback emissions limits for coal and gas fired power plants. This is a step to reverse climate policies implemented during Biden’s and Obama’s administrations.
Bob Mackie died at the age of 87. He was the “sultan” of sequins who dressed Cher and Diana Ross for more than 50 years.
Macklemore, a rapper from Boston, blamed New England Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft of organizing a boycott to get him kicked off Ed Sheeran’s tour for his pro-Palestinian remarks.
The former Google CEO Eric Schmidt said that the fight between Ukraine and Russia may turn into a “total conflict” because the technology battle is “moving faster than I have ever seen.”
NBC Select: Shopping Online Made Simple
The sunrise alarm clock is 30% off right now. Nintendo’s Customer Appreciation sale, which includes a variety of discounted games and bundles until September 26, is a way to say thank you for your business.
Subscribe to The Selection for expert shopping advice, product reviews and the latest sales and deals.

The 78th Emmy Awards are underway and it is officially TV’s most important night. So, the stars will be on the red carpet wearing their best Monday outfits.
The Pitt, a medical drama from HBO Max, is leading the way with 25 nominations. “Hacks”, also from this streamer, comes in second with 24. This number was the highest ever for a season in Emmy’s comedy award history.
Apple TV’s hit horror comedy “Window’s Bay”, with 19 nominated, is closely followed by Apple TV’s “Pluribus”, with 18 nominations. NBC’s Saturday Night Live leads the way with 11 nominations.
Sterling K. Brown (Paradise), Gary Oldman (Slow Horses), Mark Ruffalo “Task”, Rufus Sewell “The Diplomat” and Noah Wyle, (“The Pitt”) have all been nominated to receive the Emmy Award as best actor for a drama. In the category of lead actresses in drama series, nominees included Carrie Coon (The Gilded Age), Chase Infiniti (The Testaments), Keri Russell “The Diplomat”, Rhea Sehorn (“Pluribus”), and Zendaya (“Euphoria”).
Patrick Ball (The Pitt), Shawn Hatosy, and Gerran Areell, along with Billy Crudup, Jack Lowden, Tom Pelphrey, and Carlos-Manuel Vesga, are nominated for best supporting actor. The women of “The Pitt”, Taylor Deardon (Season 2), Fiona Dourif (Season 1), Katherine LaNasa, and Sepideh Moafi, are also leading the nominations in best supporting actress for a drama. Allison Janney (The Diplomat), Julianne Nicholson (Paradise) and Karolina Werdra (“Pluribus”) are also nominated.
Below, you can see all of the looks that were the most popular at the Emmys in 2026.