How to Do It, Slate’s sexual advice column. Have a question? Here’s where you can send your question to Stoya or Rich. It’s anonymous!
You can do it yourself with Dear How to Do,
We are both in our 50s. His penis measures about 3 inches when it is hard. We don’t have any sex. Nothing works but me lying on him. But when I do this, there is nothing! Also, I hate how he kisses. This is a big turn-off. It’s a turn off. It makes me sad that I’m not a better spouse. Although we’ve spoken, I don’t like to bring up his tiny penis. He is very sensitive. He feels badly that he cannot get me to leave and needs a vibrator. He feels bad because I cannot cum him with me, even though I blowjob him. Can I do anything?
Want to figure it out?
You Want To Figure It Out?
What would it mean to be a more loving wife in this case? What would that entail? Would you tolerate sex which isn’t stimulating, or kissing with someone who makes you uncomfortable? Your husband is very sensitive to this matter and you have found several ways around it. You’re not doing as well as you could be expected if you cannot have a frank discussion that would allow for some collaborative problem-solving and brainstorming.
Many people are unable to orgasm due to vaginal penetration, regardless of the size of their partner. For this reason, many people use vibrators during sex. Orgasms are often not entirely the partner’s fault, but it’s how they usually go. You and your partner must work together to create an orgasm. I recommend combining what has worked, at least in terms of mechanics: the cowgirl and vibrator. You may not want to feel the vibrations again because you have already tried it, and you didn’t get anything. But if that’s what you would like, then you can try. You can also enjoy the pleasure of arousing him through sexual intercourse, as well as feeling bonded with this act.
This conversation can be framed in a way that does not focus on his flaws, but rather what your body requires. You can tell him that this is how you expect to orgasm. Ask him what is more important to you: his pride, or your enjoyment? Tell him that this work is something you both have to do together.
You may also want to consult the many online guides on sex using a penis (like this). Have you tried it all? Did you doggy at the foot of your bed, so that the dog is standing and ready to enter? You can lie flat on your back or completely flat. Many sex poses can be adapted to fit a penis of any size. Finding the right position is often a matter of trial and error. As with anyone, some fine tuning may be needed. It can be difficult to solve your problem with him kissing. You can tell him to let go and take control. You can ask him to respond by setting the tone. If he does something that you dislike, tell him you are in charge this time.
You can do it yourself with Dear How to Do,
What’s the proper etiquette when using sex toy during casual hookups. Many times, when I have hooked up with someone that I met through an app, they brought their sex toy for us both. It’s happened a few times. It made me wonder if I shouldn’t bring my own, for reasons of hygine. Do I have to trust that they cleaned it properly? What’s the difference between using something externally and internally?
If I think about it too much, I will freak myself out
When I think too much about something, I get weirded out.
When we invite strangers into our houses and holes, we invest much trust. We give them unearned trust that they won’t hurt us, will respect our property and will be truthful about their health. For the sake of orgasm and perhaps even a brief intimacy, we make ourselves vulnerable. It usually works out. The reward often outweighs risk for many.
There is a grey area when it comes to health. STIs are transmitted by hookups, regardless of what is said upfront. Many people are unaware that they have STIs, even if they don’t show any symptoms. This means that they can be completely honest and yet still spread something. Some people will lie to gain attention. Some people may say they have been tested recently or that there are active infections in their body. Tools like PrEP or doxyPEP can be useful because they are proactive measures to protect your health, regardless of what others say. You should clean your own toys or bring them with you. I am a strong advocate for both. You can take your time to clean and not look like a squeaky-clean freak or a germaphobe. Condoms can be used on vibrating toys, such as dildos.
Sex toys can transmit STIs. It doesn’t matter if the toys are used externally or internally for those such as HPV and Herpes, which can be transmitted from skin to skin. Some STIs are capable of living on surfaces for days or even hours. Latex, rubber and other porous materials can harbor bacteria. It is not recommended to share these toys. Non-porous products like glass and silicone are considered safer. Cleaning sex toy with warm water and soap works well, but you can also use products that are specifically designed for this purpose. You can choose to spend the money on this option if you want.
You could still contract an infection if you are doing things with your partner that go beyond just playing with toys. You can reduce the risk of infection by taking precautions. Bring your own toys, and make sure your partner cleans theirs.
Tell Your Story and Learn How To Do It!
Our readers often provide great advice to our How to Do It authors, disagree on occasion with their points, or just want to give some extra tips. Jessica and Rich are going to reply each month to these suggestions and comments from our readers. Send us a message!
You can do it yourself with Dear How to Do,
We’ve always enjoyed our time together in bed, but lately I think it has become too casual. As we have grown older, sex seems to be less romantic and mystic and has become more playful and even humorous. It’s not the kind of energy that I’d like to have in the bedroom. But I do appreciate how our relationship has grown and our current sex shows comfort. What can I do to find the middle ground without trying to force my own idea of what sex should be on my partner?
Halfway there
Please Halfway There
Think about the dynamics in place and what is exactly wrong. It feels like the sex is “too informal” and that there’s a good-humored atmosphere in the bedroom you don’t “really know” what you want. Why? This is the best way to do it practically. It is not logical to try to change the dynamic of your relationship out of principle. You may end up failing. You have adapted your relationship over the years you’ve been together, based on what I assume from your letter. This is a great achievement. Many people contact us when the sex has dried up in their relationship or turned unpleasant. You should appreciate what you’ve got. Not everyone has the same luck or skill at maintaining a relationship.
It’s very important that you know exactly what you are looking for. Your letter gives me vague “…not that” vibes, but this kind of thinking can be construed as criticism. Bring yeses to your partner instead of “no”. Add-ons. Add-ons. Introduce roleplay to bring things up a notch. You can choose a certain tone and expect it to be maintained through the entire session. It may seem like you are forcing your partner to accept a certain idea about sex, but the point of roleplaying is to narrow down parameters. This isn’t about coercion or forcing, but it is about narrowing parameters. Don’t proceed until your partner agrees. Certain types of roleplay, such as consensual no-consent can be very serious. It may be worth exploring this, as well as something like BDSM – again, if everyone is relaxed and using safe words.
–Rich
Slate’s Latest Advice
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost eight years. As we have gotten older, I am beginning to understand that I am bisexual. Even when she was not comfortable, she has always helped me explore my sexuality. But I’m not sure how to tell her that I like men. Help?

Florida’s database of modern diseases shows that the number of cases Hansen’s Disease, also known as Leprosy in Florida, increased in 2025.
The infection was not evenly distributed across the entire state.
Florida Department of Health Records show that 36 cases have been reported for 2025. This is higher than the previous record of 29 cases in 2015. One patient was believed to be from another state, and the other three were outside of the United States. In five cases, the source of infection is unknown.
According to the preliminary figures, 17 more cases were reported in Florida by mid-July 2026.
Residents of Brevard County, Charlotte County, Duval County, Highlands county, Lake County, Lee Country, Manatee State, Miami-Dade state, Okeechobee State, Orange, Seminole States, St. Johns counties, Sumter counties, and Volusia county were involved in the 2026 cases.
These figures reflect the county in which each patient resides, not necessarily the place where they were exposed to the bacteria.
Officials from the state health department say that cases are assigned based on the location of the patient when they were diagnosed with the illness, not where the individual was infected, hospitalized, or was first exposed to it.
The data in our region
According to the finalized Florida Department of Health Records available until 2024, Hansen’s Disease remains rare in Palm Beach County as well as Treasure Coast.
Palm Beach County also reported one case each in 2024, 2023 and 2024. Also, the county reported one case each in 2021 and 2017.
St. Lucie County reported its only case to the State’s table for 2015-2024 in 2019.
Martin County had two reported cases in 2016, but no subsequent eight-year period. Okeechobee County had one case reported in 2021. Indian River County did not report any cases between 2015 and 2024.
An Okeechobee County Resident has been the subject of a preliminary 2026 report.
The county in which a Hansen’s case was recorded may not be able to identify the exact location or time of exposure.
Central Florida is home to many cases.
State data shows a greater concentration of people in Central Florida and Brevard County.
Brevard County reported 20 cases of Florida’s 27, in 2020. In addition, the county recorded cases for 2019, 2018, 11, both in 2015 and 2016, and 7 in 2023.
Volusia County had five reported cases in 2023, and three in the year 2024. Polk County reported three cases in the year 2024.
Researchers investigated whether Hansen’s disease was becoming an endemic – or consistently occurring – in parts of Central Florida.
The bacteria that causes the disease can be found in nine-banded armadillos. They are regarded as a possible source of contamination. Florida officials describe armadillos infected with the disease as an unusual source. Not every patient has reported handling them.
Researchers also tested whether bacteria could survive temporarily in soil to create another environmental exposure path.
What is Hansen disease?
Hansen’s Disease is primarily caused by the slow growing bacterium Mycobacterium Leprae. The disease can cause problems with the eyes, skin, nerves and nose lining.
Possible symptoms include
Skin discoloration or light red patches
A feeling of numbness or loss in sensation
Skin that is thick, dry or stiff
The painless ulcer
Paralysis or weakness of the muscles
Nerves enlarged
You can have eye problems
Eyebrows and eyelashes missing
It is not easy to spread. Florida officials state that approximately 95% have natural immunity.
It is thought that person-to-person spread requires prolonged and close contact with a patient who has not been treated. The virus is thought not to be spread by casual contact, such as shaking hands or sitting near someone.
Hansen’s is curable by a combination antibiotics. Treatment can take up to 2 years. Delaying treatment may cause permanent damage to nerves and disabilities.
What numbers mean and do not mean
Florida’s reportable disease database in real-time is preliminary. Health officials may change the number of cases as they investigate complaints, confirm diagnoses and reclassify patient.
State counts cases based on the dates they were reported by the Department of Health. This does not mean that symptoms started or the patient was exposed.
The dashboard contains county data finalized through 2024. These newer figures for 2025 and 2020 are based on the Department’s Reportable Diseases Frequency Report.
Data available does not prove that Florida’s increasing case count was caused by a single epidemic or common cause.
In a state of more than 23 millions residents, the total number is still small. Officials from the Department of Health say Hansen’s disease can be treated and cured once it has been identified.

Sunken temples have been reported by doctors in weight loss patients taking Ozempic Wegovy or Zepbound.
Temporal hollowing can cause the appearance of a thinner and older face. As GLP-1 drugs continue to gain popularity, experts say that it will become more visible.
What is “temporal hollowing”?
The loss of fat around the temples is called temporary hollowing. Volume loss in this area can make the face appear older because it is usually fuller and rounder when young.
What is the difference between ‘Ozempic Face’ and ‘Positive face’
The term “Ozempic Face” refers to the rapid loss of facial fat that occurs when taking GLP-1 medication. Temporal hollowing is the loss of fat in the temple region.
What causes it?
GLP-1-related fat loss does not only occur in the hips or abdomen. The face can also lose fat. This loss is most noticeable around the temples.
Does it depend on the medication or how quickly you lose weight?
The doctors say that the main cause of temporal hollowing, rather than medication, is rapid weight loss.
Patients who lose too much weight or don’t follow their personalized treatment plan are more susceptible to the condition. According to experts, patients who obtain GLP-1 medication without medical supervision are at greater risk.
Is it possible to treat?
The most popular treatment for hollows in the temporal region is dermal fillers, but doctors must be cautious because this area contains vital blood vessels. The injection complications are serious, and in some cases can lead to blindness.
Patients may opt for fat transfer procedures or a facelift, especially if there is a loss of volume in the other parts of their face.
How can temporal hollowing prevented?
The best way for experts to minimize the chance of a temporal hollowing, is to gradually lose weight and to follow the dosing regimen prescribed by your doctor while you are taking GLP-1 medication.

Health and Human Services secretary RFK Jr. exploded at CNN host Dana Bash after she pressed about how the Trump Administration would prepare for the pandemic.
Kennedy (72) was interviewed on State of the Union to find out what his department can do in order to be prepared for another health emergency.
Bash continued, “I want to get on with my life,” as Kennedy interrupted repeatedly to continue their argument. This seemed to have set him off.
Kennedy replied, “Of Course You Do, Because you Were Part of The Problem!” Kennedy pointed at the host.
Bash responded, “No I was not part of the issue.”
“Yes! Kennedy went on to say, “There was absolutely malpractice in the press.” “You weren’t allowing–”
Bash continued to speak as he tried to interrupt: “Your role is to be a person of fierce skepticism towards authority. You weren’t. “You were beating people up who disagreed.”
Bash asked, “Okay.” By this time the two had been talking over one another. You want to attack me or have a discussion about public health?
Kennedy retorted, “You are sitting right here and attacking me!”
I’m not attacking anyone. Bash asked, “I’m not attacking you. I am asking about the best way to stop the next pandemic.”
Kennedy replied, “Ask me a question. I will tell you.”
Bash responded, “That is what I am trying to achieve.” But I don’t also want you to be able to lie in this interview.
Bash ended the interview about 15 minutes later, after an initial exchange that went off track.
As the discussion turned to measles Kennedy accused Bash of rolling her eyes at him while he was defending his claims regarding links between vaccines for autism and measles.
Bash asked later, “Do you think people should get the MMR vaccination?”
Kennedy responded with a smile before pointing to the host. I know that you are frustrated and flustered.
Bash quickly moved back.
I’m not at all flustered. “I am frustrated,” said she. You are HHS Secretary and yet you talk about vaccine hesitation in the United States. It is a problem for the people, when nothing is available.
Kennedy has cut her off once again.
He said, “Let’s ask you something.” Do you think your role is to end vaccine hesitancy or are you more concerned with telling the American public the truth?
Bash responded, “I consider my job to be telling the truth. And the truth is, there are studies after studies after studies.” “It’s been studied more than anything else in the world of science.”
Kennedy, a snarling tyrant who lunged over the table to hurl himself forward, muttered: “You repeat it like a parakeet.” You’re saying it as if you were a parrot. “I’ve read the science.”
Bash declared: “I am not discussing nonsense.”
Kennedy, who was red-faced and gesticulating wildly, replied: “All you can do is repeat the advice of others, saying ‘trust experts’.” Kennedy blamed poor public health on Fauci’s lack of trust.
Bash responded, “Okay. Well, what do you think?” After she was told that “no one in her family had any personal knowledge of the subject,” Bash said, “Well, I guess we’ll find out.” It’s my job to speak to people.”

My mother’s Alzheimer’s was first diagnosed two and a half years ago. It became clear that she needed 24-hour care.
It was impossible for me to care for my daughter myself, or have her live with me. I am a full-time worker and also live with two children in a small flat. After nine months of paperwork and red tape, I finally got her in a Medicaid program. She now has full-time home care.
Was I not expecting was the fact that taking care of her would be a job full time? Don’t get me wrong. Don’t get me wrong. I want to do everything possible to help my mother. It’s heartbreaking to see her condition, but I am grateful she has someone with her who can take care of her needs at any given moment, such as cooking, cleaning and grooming her, or reminding her about her medication.
Even though I don’t provide 24/7 direct care, the amount of work involved in caring for an elderly parent is still a lot.
I am my mother’s sole supporter
I am emotionally dependent on my mother. She still uses her phone so she sends me between 20 and 30 text messages daily, as well as one or two phone calls.
She texts me every time she receives medication from her assistant to inquire what the name of it is. Even after answering her, she asks multiple times per day when we will next meet. There are endless questions and confusion. It’s not possible to answer everything but sometimes I do have to. This is a constant disruption to my life.
My husband and I are only five minutes from her. So, if she ever needs anything, we will be there to help. She is unable to shop, run errands or do anything else. She often requires help around the house. She needs our help several times per week. She is prone to losing things, breaking things or causing other issues at home which require external support. It is also a habit of mine to spend an afternoon with her every week just being together.
Always on the phone figuring out my paperwork
There are also the phone calls and paperwork for health insurance, phone calls to doctors, phone calls with family caregivers, phone calls with others in my family, etc. Every day I am on the phone, either with her caregivers or organizations that help provide care.
My mother also has frequent doctor appointments, so I take her to them. My mother’s medication is managed by me, including renewals and pharmacy pickups. I also fill her weekly medication trays for her caregivers. Also, I manage her finances.
There’s always an emergency every week. My mother’s apartment was locked from the inside last week. We had to contact an emergency handyman in order to open the doors. Then we had to buy some new doorknobs, and find a way to disable all the other doorknobs so that she would not lock them.
On the phone, I am talking to her family, her doctors, her caregivers and other members of my family to figure out how we can best handle this situation.
My mother is no longer the woman she used to be
It’s just too much and stressful. Many nights I lay awake wondering what I would do to help her and how she could possibly live the rest of her life with this condition. It may be a few more years until she has to deal with the condition. She’s in her 70s. Alzheimer’s disease is incurable and progressive, so the tasks of caregiving will not change.
Sometimes I don’t have time to be sad. I am grieving for what has happened to my mother. It’s so exhausting to provide her with the care she needs. I have no time to think about my feelings. How can I say goodbye when I am knee-deep with the tasks I must do to keep her alive, while I watch as she slowly deteriorates in front of my eyes?
One day, I will look back on this period and recall all of our little moments together. I remember the way she sighed with contentment when we walked through her neighbourhood. I also remember her reassured me that I would be seeing her very soon. If she knew what I was doing, she’d appreciate the work I did for her. Each thing that I do, I consider an act of loving kindness.
It’s overwhelming. I wonder how my mental health will survive the coming years.